The night before the morning after

Pre-‘ramble’ – I decided this week to focus on dialogue but also ended up writing in ‘txt’ speak… Go figure.  Happy reading.

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Me:  “Glad ur online, need sympathy.  Feel shite.”

Stacie:  “Wots up?”

Me:  “Was out with usual crowd but it got messy.  Stayed out 2 long on the ol’ vino.”

Stacie:  “Silly cow. When will u learn? LMAO.”

Me:  “Thanx 4 support.”

Stacie:  “U knows I luvs u. <3”

Me:  “OMG. Having flashback from hell.”

Stacie:  “And… ;D”

Me:  “Came home and went into my garden, thght fresh air wld help drunkness.  Got out there and heard two people having sex in garden next door.  Snuck a peek through fence to see who it was… Was scared shitless wot I’d see, as neighbours r Octogenarians… “

Stacie:  “Eeww.  You looked?  Nasty.”

Me:  “I know… Anyways, who did I bloody see?  Tinkerbell!!!!!! “

Stacie:  “You’re taking the piss??????”

Me:  “Seriously.  She had wings, a sparkly dress, badly bleached hair and was about the height of Barbie.”

Stacie:  “You sure it wasn’t Barbie?”

Me:  “No, she was a ‘fully functioning’ fairy who liked a bit of action.  Not only was she having sex with the ‘Ken’ of the fairy World but other fairies were watching and cheering.”

Stacie:  “Tinkerbell is a dogger?  LOL.”

Me:  “Yep.  And when she saw me she laughed; then gave me the finger. At that point I passed out as next thing woke up in the garden this morning.”

Stacie:  “Classy 😉  Listen love, I suggest you don’t go back to that pub again as think someone slipped something in ur drinks. Got to go.  Speak l8trs. x.”

I sat at the table wondering which bastard had drugged me when I noticed a black mark on my hand.  I tried to rub it off but it wouldn’t shift.  I looked at it closely and it was a note:

‘Glad you enjoyed the show! See ya nxt wk.  😉 Tx’

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Word count  – 300

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The most unlikely conversation over dinner

Buzzzzzz.

 

“Seriously, who visits at tea time?  I swear to god if it’s a salesman…”

 

“Just leave it.” said Derek apathetically, as he inhaled a chicken nugget. 

 

Buzzzzz. Buzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

“Insightful as always but as you can hear they’re not going anywhere.”

 

Buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

 

“Go see who it is then.”

 

“I’m coming” I shout.  “Just hold your frigging horses.  Don’t worry sweetheart you just sit there & fill your face.”  As I stomped out I gave him my best death stare.

 

I flung open the door, “Who…? What the…?  Are you not the Minister for Defence?” 

 

“Yes, I am.  Are you Jackie Smith?”

 

 “Uh huh.” 

 

“Good.  I need to speak to you urgently.  Can I come in?” 

 

“Err… ok.  Excuse the mess and ignore my husband, he’s just finishing dinner.  Would you like nuggets?”  Derek’s face was still buried in his food.

 

“No thank you.  Jackie, our country is in crisis.  We are the brink of World War III. Only you can prevent it.”

 

“Are you sure you’ve the right person?  I work at a call centre down the road answering customer questions and stuff, nothing important like.” 

 

“Yes, you’re the right person. It’s your ability to handle the incredibly high demands of the general public, while they give you a whole load of abuse, which makes you perfect.  We will pay you well but there’s a downside.  You’ll have to come with me now & give up your current life.  Are you in?”

 

I looked around at my semi with its shabby decor & at my Husband in his stained cardie before taking a deep breath and saying “I’m in.”

 

As I left I shouted “Don’t forget to wash the dishes & put the bins out on Tuesdays.   Then shut my front door and left.   

 

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Word count – 295

Gene Frost

My name is Jean.  Everyone likes me, the person who is there for you no matter what.  Trustworthy beyond compare.  A hug from me and your miseries will just melt away, well for a moment at least.

“Come here sweetie, let me wipe away those tears. He isn’t worth it, he really isn’t. You can do so much better.  Do you want a hug?”

You raise your arms.  I step forward and squeeze.

“Oh what a pretty pair of earrings you have on there. You are a lucky thing.”

I squeeze again; a little harder for a little longer.  You go cold in my arms.   Frozen in time.  My time.

I step back and admire my work.  A tear drop is hanging off your cheek awaiting its fate.  Your arms suspended in the air waiting patiently for me to return.

“Do you want to stay this way, I can make it so?  No.  No, I can’t.  I must move quickly, the others can’t see you in this frosty state.”

I reach for your jewels and whisper in your ear “You don’t need this bling, you have plenty.  There are others who are more in need.  The homeless.  The hungry.  Me.”

When I have what I want I give you a final big squeeze.  Your body comes back to life, all warm and comforted.

“Now didn’t I tell you a hug would make you feel better?”  You nod and smile; they always do.

They say I’m too generous.  I say “It’s nothing.  Doesn’t cost me a thing.”

They say I have a magic touch.  I wink at them as I say “It’s in my genes.”

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274 Words

Flash Fiction – December challenge

All work and no play makes for a very bored individual, and I was bored in November.  So to make December interesting I decided this would be an ideal time to put my Flash Fiction plan into action.

The challenge I set myself is to write a new story for every week of December, which means I am going to write 5 stories in total or 1,500 words.  Initially I was feeling quite confident as it all sounded totally doable until I realised I had no idea what I was going to write about.  Hmm, what now?  Well being the nice person that I am I asked my friends to suggest titles for the stories, nothing else, and being the good people that they are they responded. Now that I have a whole host of titles to work with, from the very tame to the downright naughty, I have started to write…  Hope you enjoy them.