They’ll be here in a minute

Pre-‘ramble’ –  So far I have received a number of great ideas for titles but once in a while comes along that just resonates with you.  I don’t know why this title resonated with me but it did and I couldn’t wait to get a story down for it.   

—————————————-

“Sssh.  They’ll be here in a minute.”

Bob gave Jack a suspicious sideways glance, “Who’ll be here?  Thought this was just a football and beer night.”

“Sssh.  You’ll annoy them.”  Jack whispered.

Bob was ready to explode, he didn’t do surprises.   “For fuck sake Jack what’s going on?”

Jack got to his feet, “Please be quiet, they won’t be happy.  You must shut up now!”

“Mate you’re not funny.  Just wanted to watch the game but whatever shit you’ve taken has put a stop to that.  I’m outta here.”

“I warned you.” breathed Jack.

As Bob started to stand Jack wrapped a belt around his neck, he then quickly moved behind the sofa.  He pulled hard forcing Bob back onto the seat, the belt dug deep into his throat.

“I’m sorry.” wept Jack.  “I told you to be quiet, but you wouldn’t listen.”  Within minutes his friend was dead.

Jack stood up, wiped his tears, and moved forward to admire his work.

Bob was slumped on his side.  Jack knelt down resting his head on him and opened his mouth, “It’s ok, he’ll behave for you now.”

Hundreds of tiny men ran out of his mouth, all were burning with rage.  They ran all over Bob, stripping his clothes off as they went, before devouring the warm human flesh.

When they’d finished all that was left of Bob was his skeleton.  No blood.  No skin.  No heart.  Jack then opened his mouth and they all popped back in.

Jack knew what to do next.  He ground the bones into fine dust and mixed it into his flower beds.

Everyone who sees his garden asks how he gets his flowers to grow so beautifully.

The answer is always the same, “Bone meal.  The fresher the better.”

—————————————-

Word count – 296

The night before the morning after

Pre-‘ramble’ – I decided this week to focus on dialogue but also ended up writing in ‘txt’ speak… Go figure.  Happy reading.

————————————–

Me:  “Glad ur online, need sympathy.  Feel shite.”

Stacie:  “Wots up?”

Me:  “Was out with usual crowd but it got messy.  Stayed out 2 long on the ol’ vino.”

Stacie:  “Silly cow. When will u learn? LMAO.”

Me:  “Thanx 4 support.”

Stacie:  “U knows I luvs u. <3”

Me:  “OMG. Having flashback from hell.”

Stacie:  “And… ;D”

Me:  “Came home and went into my garden, thght fresh air wld help drunkness.  Got out there and heard two people having sex in garden next door.  Snuck a peek through fence to see who it was… Was scared shitless wot I’d see, as neighbours r Octogenarians… “

Stacie:  “Eeww.  You looked?  Nasty.”

Me:  “I know… Anyways, who did I bloody see?  Tinkerbell!!!!!! “

Stacie:  “You’re taking the piss??????”

Me:  “Seriously.  She had wings, a sparkly dress, badly bleached hair and was about the height of Barbie.”

Stacie:  “You sure it wasn’t Barbie?”

Me:  “No, she was a ‘fully functioning’ fairy who liked a bit of action.  Not only was she having sex with the ‘Ken’ of the fairy World but other fairies were watching and cheering.”

Stacie:  “Tinkerbell is a dogger?  LOL.”

Me:  “Yep.  And when she saw me she laughed; then gave me the finger. At that point I passed out as next thing woke up in the garden this morning.”

Stacie:  “Classy 😉  Listen love, I suggest you don’t go back to that pub again as think someone slipped something in ur drinks. Got to go.  Speak l8trs. x.”

I sat at the table wondering which bastard had drugged me when I noticed a black mark on my hand.  I tried to rub it off but it wouldn’t shift.  I looked at it closely and it was a note:

‘Glad you enjoyed the show! See ya nxt wk.  😉 Tx’

————————————–

Word count  – 300

The most unlikely conversation over dinner

Buzzzzzz.

 

“Seriously, who visits at tea time?  I swear to god if it’s a salesman…”

 

“Just leave it.” said Derek apathetically, as he inhaled a chicken nugget. 

 

Buzzzzz. Buzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

“Insightful as always but as you can hear they’re not going anywhere.”

 

Buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

 

“Go see who it is then.”

 

“I’m coming” I shout.  “Just hold your frigging horses.  Don’t worry sweetheart you just sit there & fill your face.”  As I stomped out I gave him my best death stare.

 

I flung open the door, “Who…? What the…?  Are you not the Minister for Defence?” 

 

“Yes, I am.  Are you Jackie Smith?”

 

 “Uh huh.” 

 

“Good.  I need to speak to you urgently.  Can I come in?” 

 

“Err… ok.  Excuse the mess and ignore my husband, he’s just finishing dinner.  Would you like nuggets?”  Derek’s face was still buried in his food.

 

“No thank you.  Jackie, our country is in crisis.  We are the brink of World War III. Only you can prevent it.”

 

“Are you sure you’ve the right person?  I work at a call centre down the road answering customer questions and stuff, nothing important like.” 

 

“Yes, you’re the right person. It’s your ability to handle the incredibly high demands of the general public, while they give you a whole load of abuse, which makes you perfect.  We will pay you well but there’s a downside.  You’ll have to come with me now & give up your current life.  Are you in?”

 

I looked around at my semi with its shabby decor & at my Husband in his stained cardie before taking a deep breath and saying “I’m in.”

 

As I left I shouted “Don’t forget to wash the dishes & put the bins out on Tuesdays.   Then shut my front door and left.   

 

————————————————————————————–

Word count – 295

Gene Frost

My name is Jean.  Everyone likes me, the person who is there for you no matter what.  Trustworthy beyond compare.  A hug from me and your miseries will just melt away, well for a moment at least.

“Come here sweetie, let me wipe away those tears. He isn’t worth it, he really isn’t. You can do so much better.  Do you want a hug?”

You raise your arms.  I step forward and squeeze.

“Oh what a pretty pair of earrings you have on there. You are a lucky thing.”

I squeeze again; a little harder for a little longer.  You go cold in my arms.   Frozen in time.  My time.

I step back and admire my work.  A tear drop is hanging off your cheek awaiting its fate.  Your arms suspended in the air waiting patiently for me to return.

“Do you want to stay this way, I can make it so?  No.  No, I can’t.  I must move quickly, the others can’t see you in this frosty state.”

I reach for your jewels and whisper in your ear “You don’t need this bling, you have plenty.  There are others who are more in need.  The homeless.  The hungry.  Me.”

When I have what I want I give you a final big squeeze.  Your body comes back to life, all warm and comforted.

“Now didn’t I tell you a hug would make you feel better?”  You nod and smile; they always do.

They say I’m too generous.  I say “It’s nothing.  Doesn’t cost me a thing.”

They say I have a magic touch.  I wink at them as I say “It’s in my genes.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

274 Words